# MHApps BPD – Worried About Another – BPD Information For Carer Friend Family Partner – How to Help And Understand Your Loved One

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- Worried About Another?
- How can I help a friend or relative with BPD / EUPD? If you know someone who has emotionally unstable personality disorder, it affects you too. Offer emotional support, understanding, patience, and encouragement. Changing established behaviour patterns can be difficult for everyone but it is possible to get better over time. Learn about BPD / EUPD, so you can understand what your friend or relative is experiencing. The first and most important thing you can do is help your friend or relative get the right diagnosis and treatment. You may need to make an appointment and go with your friend or relative to see their GP, who will in turn, if felt relevant or appropriate, make a referral to a mental health professional. During this time, the individual will need a lot of affirmation and support, as those with BPD / EUPD are usually doing the best they know to manage life while battling with extreme emotional turmoil. Fostering and encouraging realistic hope; teaching distraction or relaxation skills as well as creating a distance from access to lethal methods and drugs that might be taken harmfully are often short term practical aids that help.
- It is also important to look after yourself when you are trying to help a person who has an emotionally unstable personality disorder.
  A useful guide is as follows:
  - Care, but not to the point where you lose control of your own emotions.
  - Get close, but don’t get enmeshed.
  - Empathise, but protect your own boundaries.
  - Witness intense emotion, but maintain your focus.
- Families of people with BPD / EUPD often seek support and education on the condition. The challenges of dealing with a relative with BPD / EUPD on a daily basis can be very stressful, and family members may unknowingly act in ways that enable or worsen distress. There are a number of publications that serve as useful resources to families under this strain: Please see the books section Go To Books Section
- Never ignore comments about someone’s intent or plan to self harm or harm someone else. Report such concerns to the person’s therapist or doctor. In urgent or potentially life-threatening situations, you might need to involve the Gardai.
- What if someone I know is in emotional turmoil? If you know someone who is in severe distress it might be helpful to get them to try some of the following:
  - Try to distract from this distress by doing something. Be fully present in this activity and if the mind wanders back to distressing thoughts re-focus back to the activity.
  - Try to self soothe by concentrating deeply on the 5 senses of touch, smell, taste, hearing and sight.
  - Use some relaxation techniques and connect into and notice in inhaling and exhaling.
  - Try to focus on that moment and improving only that moment. Try to make that very moment better and take one thing at a time.
  - Perhaps look at a photo of friends or of a place that has happy memories.
  - Have a nice warm bath with relaxing music.
  - Put on favourite (upbeat) music and move to it.
  - Get outdoors, regardless of weather and get some exercise.
- What if someone I know is at risk of serious self harm? If someone you know is thinking about causing themself serious self harm then:
  - Make sure the person you know is not alone.
  - Seek assistance from a supportive helpline.
  - If they are in immediate risk then call a trusted relative or friend or your GP.
  - If they are in treatment then call their therapist for guidance.

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