# MHApps Take Control – My Role – The Importance Of Taking Responsibility For Recovery

My Role
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- My Role, Recognising My Best Me “When it is dark enough, you can see the stars.” (Ralph Waldo Emerson)
  The experience of being mentally unwell is a complicated and very personal thing. It involves losing a sense of self, losing confidence, losing trust. Almost always it means that we have to engage with professionals who are there to diagnose and develop a plan of treatment. This often takes place in hospital.
  In other words, as well as “walking out of our minds” we walk out of our lives too. It is very human to want to have the doctor tell us what is wrong, give us a prescription and feel the cure coming on.
  The word cure is very interesting – “Restore to health”. Most of us have come to expect when we are sick that a treatment or medication or both, will restore us back to where we were. The science of medicine has indeed produced medicines that do just that for many human conditions. In spite of all the expensive (and necessary) research though, some human conditions continue to elude the will of the scientists. Thankfully, they don’t give up. Thankfully they keep looking.
  What we sometimes forget is that we too have a big role to play in our own health, mental and physical. All too often we depend totally on the doctor or the services to deliver the return to health. Sometimes it feels as if our own ideas and feelings are not relevant or important. When you hear stories of recovery, the sense of being out of control of things is often there. When we can begin to take back some control there is a sense of more wellbeing. Messy it might be, but it is the start for many people to really explore what is happening and what they want to do about it. Everyone has to find their own way to take hold of a situation.
  Everyone does it better if there are a few people around them who believe in them and are willing to listen and really hear what is going on. It is also important to have some trust in the system or in some people within it.
  Taking responsibility for who we are and what we do is very hard. It is one of the things that make us human. Blaming others, raging about unfairness or resentfully taking everything on the chin are all stages we have to go through, sometimes daily. Living a life this way, however, will constantly dilute our ability to find and nurture a sense of personal worth. It will mean the best me is always fighting someone or something and leaves little energy to think about or even notice the small but life giving pleasures of everyday life.
  The tools, methods and supports you employ to build a kindly and accepting sense of self are personal.
  Recognising and meeting your best self halfway is an essential and endlessly worthwhile activity.

- “What people don’t understand is that I am ashamed to be naked, ashamed to see myself nude, it rules my life; it stops me from undressing to wash, to change my underclothes. I do not enjoy being dirty. All anybody seems to be interested in is that I am clean and tidy, that the house is tidy. I am tormented by being told “look at you, you are ugly, how can you look at yourself in the mirror, the dirty girl, the dirty, dirty girl”. It’s in my head all the time. When I begin to feel better within myself I may not be any cleaner, however, the choice to be or not to be is mine, whereas when I am not good I have no, or little choice.”

- “It is the most boring place on earth. If I have to do paint by numbers once more I will lose the will to live. I know people tell me routine is one of the best ways to get on with life, but there has to be a point where routine becomes so boring that it will affect me in a negative way. I hear a lot of talk about the gym, art exhibitions, self-development courses, job shadowing, computer skills, and cooking lessons even. But not much happens on that front. I would love to do something intelligent, but I don’t know, I think I need a bit of a push or maybe to try a few things. I tried the computers but I was, am, very doped up so it was slow going, so I left it. Also, I could paper my room with the amount of meaningless certificates I have.”

- “Last time I was in hospital I was terrified of leaving, where would I live? I lost my flat when I was unwell. Sometimes when I experience my manic phase I spend money and get myself into debt very quickly and I don’t pay my rent. Luckily this time I was assigned a social worker, and accommodation was arranged in a local hostel, and from there I moved into sheltered accommodation, stayed away from the drink and eventually I got a council flat. Only twenty years of being on the list, I did well. Life is good now though.”

- “I am thrilled he is going to a day centre. At least he gets fed and they can keep an eye on him. It gives him a routine, in which he can plan his week and I can plan mine.”

- “We have about twenty clients and two staff. If one of us assists somebody in bathing, the other person will be supervising the 19, as well as doing all the other tasks, such as medication, setting up activities and paperwork. Sometimes I feel that all I am doing is opening and closing the door, when I should and need to be offering therapeutic support. We do organise activities and some training, but we just don’t have the resources to give the individual the time they need to get motivated. Some clients are pretty active themselves but others really need a lot more involvement.”

- When a person leaves hospital or is deemed to be fit enough to leave supervised care, where do they live?

My Role
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