# MHApps Take Control – Why Me – Possible Reasons For Illness – Contributing Factors And Responsibility

Why Me?
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- Why Me? One way of thinking about this is called the ‘stress vulnerability model.’ Some of us will have a greater sensitivity to developing mental ill health and if a number of stressful things come along together, it can tip us over into poor or critical mental ill health.
  “Have i been mentally ill, schizophrenic, crazy, loony, loop-the-loop, out to lunch, not the full shilling? No. I have not. I have been subject to my experiences and have dealt with this to the utmost of my ability…” (Speak for yourself. Women Together Network)
  “One of the features of my particular illness is that I can manage to work on very complex projects while I am psychotic, and nobody knows there is anything wrong, until I get so stressed out I can’t function anymore and need help immediately.” Claire.
  It is frustrating not to be able to put a finger on the exact reason why you are unwell, but once you think or know you are, the next thing is to try (not easy we know) to focus on what you can do to get through it and get on with your life.
  Family, friends, nurses and doctors are all possible partners to start working with you on recovery. Almost all personal stories of recovery tell of one important person who maintained a sense of hope at all times.
  To have a recovery process, the main belief that only professionals can effectively contribute to mental wellness must shift to an attitude that respects the values and life experience of those with the mental health issues. The power and responsibility needs to be shared and shared with effective and timely safeguards.

- Recovery is about partnership. Partnership depends on each person taking responsibility for their “part” of the “ship”.

- Recovery is not a panacea – rather it is a philosophy that respects the individual’s right to achieve wellness on his or her own terms, in his or her own time. Recovery is just another word until people use it in a way that gives it vigour, and recognises a richer and fuller understanding of the enormity of the human spirit.
  In practical terms, recovery can be described as two interdependent processes:
  1. Spiritual recovery
  2. Practical recovery
  Spiritual recovery refers to a process of personal growth, self awareness and acceptance. It involves things such as:
  · Ownership of the process
  · Self determination
  · Accepting strengths and limits
  · Hope and optimism
  · Sense of self and self worth
  · Renewed values and purpose
  · Belief and faith
  Practical recovery refers to dealing with real life issues such as:
  · Knowing about and managing one’s illness
  · Discovering and saying what you want
  · Being strong when you can and getting help when you need it
  · Realistic goal setting
  · Positive thinking
  · Taking responsibility and control
  · Seeking and using supports that are there
  · Being prepared to meeting new challenges
  (Adapted from Supporting Life. Schizophrenia Ireland)
  The poet John Keats captures the important sense of “negative capability”. Being able to hold onto a sense of self, even in the midst of terrible disruption.

- “Capable of being in uncertainties, mysteries, and doubts, without irritable reaching out after fact and reason.” (John Keats)

- So, take time when you can to think about what you want and need. Allow the positive things you feel to gain strength and space.
  The following narratives are based on the situations and experiences that people have spoken about to Shine staff. Hundreds of individuals and groups meet and talk about these things. All of the stories are individual; yet, they reveal frequently repeated themes or events that are recognised by many. The purpose of this story is to share these sometimes painful, often wise and very human responses to the experience of mental ill health.
  When you are reading this piece, it is important to remember the stories provided are a collection of peoples’ individual experiences and no one person’s complete experience.
  Names and locations have been changed and no one person’s experience is given in full. This is not an academic piece, it is written using peoples’ real experiences, which have been reshaped and when reading it, you may ask, is that me? The fact is it’s everybody’s and the experiences are very similar whilst being very different at the same time.
  It is not possible to provide all the situations people go through, they are so diverse and individual; there is a selection of the most common experiences only.

- “I am 18 now. I was seeing things for about 4 years before I told anyone about the visions I was having, the Virgin Mary, Jesus and an evil spirit all telling me things. In the end, I got so confused I couldn’t tell which was which and who was good or evil. One day I plucked up enough courage to tell my parents some of what was going on for me, it got to the stage I was so paranoid and afraid of people that I stayed in my room and smoked hash 24 hours a day, the hash didn’t get rid of the voices or visions but somehow allowed me to endure them. Looking back on it now, though it is clear that the hash really messed my head up, it also reminds me of what someone once told me “people shouldn’t take drugs and some people really shouldn’t.”

- I was 6 or 7 and I would be in my room playing, when suddenly Tom and Jerry would come to life and start talking to me. This was an enjoyable experience, as it was a kindly voice that would talk to me and tell me stories. It was only in later life as I began to get older 9 or 10, my voice would get sinister and start criticising me, calling me names, telling me to do things, which I knew were wrong. In fact I remember calling out to my mother; I can’t wake up from this nightmare help me.”

- A Journey from the Beginning - Childhood When people with self-experience are asked how they felt as a child, often the reply is, “I felt different to other people, like I walked at a different speed or was out of step with other people”. However, if you asked anybody regardless of mental health status you would get the same answer. The simple fact is we are all different, we do live and exist differently to each other, even a set of identical twins will not have an identical set of experiences and if they did they would interpret them differently.
  The obvious exception to this are people, who from an early age hear voices or have visual hallucinations, even elements of paranoia. Some hold beliefs only they feel are true and some also experience depression. Unfortunately it can be years before these experiences are addressed. It is important to know that you are not the only one who has had these experiences.
  It is accepted that people tend to experience mental ill health from around the ages of 16 and upwards, or at least that is the age (with some exceptions) that they usually come to the attention of the services. It is misleading to suggest that these experiences began at the age they were diagnosed. It is clear that people often have a sense of “being different” for years before they are understood and their needs are met.

Why Me?
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